“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” ― Aldous Huxley
When I first found this pose I thought, “whoa that’s kinda naughty” But then I started thinking about why someone might be in this particular position without it being naughty. Maybe to get a closer look at something that couldn’t be seen from the perspective life normally had them in?
I remember as a child looking up at people and things thinking they were huge. Believing that they were either bigger than life or too big to touch. Life changed and I grew up. I got somewhat taller. I began to see things differently because I was in a different position in life both physically and emotionally.
I have found that to be the case in most things in life. A few nights ago at work I left feeling more down than I ever have in my career of being a nurse. I’ve experienced a variety emotions over my years of nursing. I have never regretted being a nurse, until that night. I was at a low. My heart and my spirit had been broken. I was mentally exhausted to the point to where I did not want to return to work. I actually cried, not because I hurt for a patient, but because for the first time, I hated what I was doing. Even now thinking about those emotions and that night, I feel the sting of tears in my eyes.
I had to put myself in check. I do not hate my job. I love my job. This is my passion. It’s what gives me satisfaction in life. Knowing that I help other people brings me great joy in life. I LOVE caring for other people. I LOVE doing for others what they cant do for themselves. “There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” I made myself look at that. What are the things that are known. We know that the world is in a spot that it’s never been in before. We know that there are people who are going to need extra care. We know that there are people who will hurt, people who will die, and families who will suffer that loss. I know that I am needed. What we dont know is how long this will all last. Between that.. is how we look at it. My perception was skewed based on the situation I was looking at it from.
I am not better, I am not ok, but I do not hate my job today. I hate the situation that this world is in and I feel helpless to change it. I feel discouraged that sometimes no matter how much you give, it’s not going to be enough. Tonight I will return to work, put on a mask that I will wear for 9 hours and do what I do best.. I will help others, because its what I do. I will do it because I have chosen the perspective that I will look at the world in. I choose to look, not at how big this problem is, but at how one individual might make a difference to one person.